Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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