True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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