I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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