I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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