I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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