Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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