btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
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homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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