swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize