I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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