im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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