guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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