I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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