Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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