I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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