I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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