I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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