Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
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You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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