I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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