So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
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and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
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Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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