Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize