i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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