I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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