Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize