He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
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Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
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My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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