if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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