I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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