just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
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You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
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I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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