My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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