I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize