remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
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Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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