I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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