He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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