"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
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Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
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You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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