You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
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I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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