I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
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Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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