is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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