I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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