Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize