Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize