U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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