so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
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i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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