just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize