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I looked at my own cervix.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That accounts for only three of the penises
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
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