I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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