How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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