it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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