you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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