i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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