Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize