I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize